Well since my last post in August 2017; I’ve had a few life changing experiences. First and foremost I’m now 41 years old!! We must recap my year at 40 because it was life changing in so many ways!! Stay tuned as we look back over the next few weeks!
Looking at the pieces, what pieces you ask; my life!! LOL
Life as I normally knew it is a thing of the past; Every aspect of my life is different (and not just because I’m now 41) I now care for a parent who I’ve moved into our house, while working full-time, husband, four kids, ministry etc. etc.
Yes, the pieces is where I have been and now that I feel more together, I can get back to doing what I love doing!! It is so funny to me that when life strikes the first thing we do is stop doing what makes us happy!! I’m so guilty of doing this!! UGH!! These past few months have been a whirlwind of emotions and I really had to come to terms with my life and what matters most!
So while nothing could ever prepare you for parenting a parent and while you may have never thought about doing it. What happens when you must step forward and say “Yes, I will”! Naturally, fear strikes! Every question imaginable comes into your mind and how drastically my life, my family’s life would change due to this one decision. Who is ever prepared to hear doctor’s give a loved one an expiration date/timeline? It is by far the most hurtful, emotional experience of my life and it just feels horrible… My life has forever been changed! Hence, I felt scattered in pieces!
Pieces but not broken into pieces!
After being handed these pieces (because that is what it felt like) a choice had to be made! Will this break me or will I continue to move forward and live? The answer came and I must give credit to two special people in my life; my husband (who by far has been the biggest supporter, asks the right questioner and best hugger of this entire situation! Whether I’m crying or laughing he has truly allowed me to express myself no matter what or when! If I was crying in the middle of the night or drinking stress relief tea at 2:00 AM because I couldn’t sleep he would get up (as he has to be up at 3:45 AM) and comfort me or listen to me!! And my mother Linda, although her and my father have been divorced for over 30 years she has shown more love, support and compassion throughout this entire ordeal! She calls my dad and checks on him and has listened to me cry, scream complain and make light of it all! This life journey sometimes feels lonely but no one can go through a life changing occurrence such as this one or anything alone. I’ve had so many people from every area of my life reach out to me and it has been wonderful to know, quite honestly that you are loved and that people care!!
So here I am trying to place all of these scattered pieces back together. As with anything in pieces when it is incomplete you lay all of those pieces out in front of you, look at the pictures and began to piece them back together to become whole again. And hence, the journey of peaceful wholesomeness begins!
I’ve been to more medical appointments these past few months than I have for any of my children or myself. I’ve had phone interviews, consultations, we have seen specialists, surgeons, department heads and the list goes on and on!!! And at the point when I thought it was all overwhelming, I took a moment and continued because I had too; of course! It is in these moments that you realize you do have inner strength and it is activated when you need it most! What a daunting thought!
Looking at my pieces I began to change my perspective (Thanks to my Husband) who in his wisdom simply said to me “ This is not your life, or your decisions” Allow your father to make his decisions and support him no matter what he decides;” When I say life changing it was a truly an enlightening moment! And with tears of hope in my eyes I took a deep breath and changed my perspective!
Placing the pieces back to create a single picture.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words! Every picture can be worth what it is worth it is all about perspective. The most difficult occurrence in my life has now become enlightening because of my new perspective. Pieces now all have meaning and give a different perspective on the value of life! Moments shared, now are treasured memories because you never know when one moment will be the last! Hugs and bursts of laughter are sentiments that I will cherish forever!
All of my pieces are not neatly in place, but I see clarity in those pieces. Now at 41, I live everyday on purpose because I should! Doing what I love gives me so much joy, I’m at peace and it is good for my spirit! I will not give up hope and will continue to write because it is what I love doing! Finding My Forty is a journey and I’m learning why I was chosen to walk this journey daily.
To everyone who has called, texted or I who has asked about the blog; Thank You!! I no longer have to look at that piece and think what I should have done; I will continue to write! I’m so honored to be on this journey with you and I’m so grateful that you have chosen to walk this journey with me!
Many Hugs Friends!