Welcome to the Journey!
I never thought that turning Forty would have so much meaning! Every new decade had meaning to me. Entering my twenties was exciting because I could drink at 21! That of course was overrated. Then by the time I was thirty I was married with three kids and a stay at home mom whose life revolved around my family. Talk about a life change! Seriously I looked up and I had a family of five!! It got to the point where I felt as though I didn’t have my own identity. I was Marques’s wife and DJ, Nadia and Micah’s mom at the time; that was it!! There were times when I would look back on my life and revisit dreams that I had when I was younger, of who I wanted to become, my successful career, wonderful marriage and great children! My dreams had become puzzle pieces. I had some of the pieces but not the entire puzzle fitting together perfectly! I had lost some pieces. The reality was my life was not what I expected it to be. I was overweight, had no sense of style and I had no social life! However, I was married, a full-time mother and just going through my daily routines. This was not how I wanted my life to be.
Now fast forward ten years later I was turning Forty! Where was my life going?? And why was I not in control of it?
So in the beginning of 2016 my 39th year of life I chose to take control of my life. I didn’t have a clue where it went but clearly I was not in control of it because my life wasn’t what I wanted it to be. I had to find my missing puzzle pieces and fast! I realized that I don’t have to accept where I am if it’s not where I wanted to be. However, accepting change is by far one of the hardest things for me to do. But it needed to happen, NOW! So I began to write down what I wanted and I took action to make it happen!
In past years, I would write down goals for the upcoming year. I would revisit those goals mid-year but I had not put any into action. But, 2016 was a different year because I wanted my dreams to become a reality. There were so many things I hadn’t done or started but I still had a strong desire to do them. So I activated my goals! I set dates in my phone to have things done, I began a journal about my thoughts and goals daily. I needed to keep them in the front of my mind before the call of being a wife and mother took over. I also had faith in attaining my goals! I actually believed that they would happen! I got excited about them happening! I even felt them happening, I began dreaming about those dreams again!! It was such a wonderful feeling that I hadn’t felt in years! It felt like I had dusted off my old diaries and had new purpose and vision for my life! It was and still is so exhilarating!
I also began to realize that I couldn’t move forward unless I knew what had gotten me to the place where I currently was. So I began asking myself questions like why did I invest in everyone and everything else and not in myself? Why was I putting what I wanted on hold and not pursuing the things that I wanted in life? I also had to look at me and my decisions, my actions and my thoughts. Why had I felt the way that I did? What choices had I made to get me here? Yes, the tough questions! Next, I had to answer myself and come to some hard realities. This self-evaluation was so hard because I had to look at me. I had no one to point to or blame anything on everything happening in my life was because of ME!
You see I would avoid mirrors because I hated the way that I looked. From my weight, to my clothes to the unhappy look in my eyes. I could actually see the unhappiness inside of me. Where had the outgoing, fearless, not a care in the world girl gone? Eventually, I had to take a hard look in the mirror and I cried! Because in that moment I realized I was the reason I looked this way. My lack of exercise, my eating habits, my lacks attitude, my procrastination, my non-caring about me was why I looked this way. I cried and I mean I cried for weeks! It was hard. But during this time I prayed and had to accept this is where I was. Now what? As if two weeks wasn’t long enough it was almost three total weeks and then something great happened! I looked at myself in the mirror again, and I smiled! Almost instantly, as I stared at myself my smile became laughter and I had no more tears. I said to myself “Krista I love you and from this day forward I will take control of you and do better for you”. And from that moment moving forward I began to look at myself multiple times in the mirror. I just had too constantly look at who I was and see who I was becoming. I began to feel so much better inside about who I was and I knew that I was only going to get better! As I looked at myself I could see that I was no longer the fearless teenage girl or the outgoing twenty year old. I saw a mature woman who was happy with being herself! I was not where I wanted to be but I saw potential again and there was hope of still becoming who I had dreamed I would be. I’ve always been a very happy person who showed love to others but never gave attention to myself. But now was My time!
So turning Forty, I took my life back! I wanted to attain everything that I had dreamed for myself. I now realize that I’m not less of a wife or mother because I have goals and dreams for myself! I just need to learn how to balance everything to live the life that I’ve always dreamed of having. I’m a Dreamer and I Dream in color! Every dream needed to become a reality so I had put somethings in motion! It was time to take action for me! Everything that I didn’t like I had to change and guess what I’m the only person who can change them! This is the beginning of attaining the YOU that was lost!
I welcome you to the journey! This is a journey of change, a journey of strength, a journey of happiness and a journey of inner peace! (You fill in your journey expectations here) As with any journey we need to be prepared and have guides along the way. So we will experience, learn and grow together! There will be questions at the end of each post for you to journal so that we can look back on our accomplishments and celebrate one another!
I also believe that everyone needs a personal cheerleader. Someone who won’t question or put down your dreams or goals instead they cheer you on. So let’s cheer each other on our journeys! Please share as much or as little as you’d like but stay in touch so we can cheer each other on!!!
Lastly, please remember this journey is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight. It took years to get here it’s going to take some time for you to find yourself again! But in the end it’s totally worth it because you are unique and so very special! I hope that you enjoy this journey!
Finding My Forty really means finding YOU at any age! So let our journey begin!